Herman Cain: The strange demographic

I imagine for Democrats, seeing and hearing Herman Cain for the first time is much like that moment when you were a child and learned that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. They must feel as if everything they've ever believed was a lie.

I picture liberals everywhere beginning to tear up and shake physically due to what they are seeing in Cain. They are dialing up their psychologists and psychiatrists begging for late-night emergency sessions and higher doses of Paxil, Prozac and medical marijuana in order to deal emotionally with this terrible riff in what they believed to be a universal truth. Cell phones are ablaze with ringtones and violent vibrations, text messages are being sent in greater volume that Elliot Spitzer's calls to dating services, and Twitter is on fire with Tweets and all other forms of media are buzzing with one question: "WHO IS THIS BLACK MAN WHO OPENLY DEFIES THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY?"

Cain is a contradiction to everything every liberal has ever been told. He is a demographic platypus; an enigma that no one can explain or even begin to comprehend. He is a black, wealthy conservative who believes in capitalism.

Cain continues to confuse liberals with his clever use of something the Democrats never saw coming: an actual economic plan. His disregard for slogans and rhetoric completely stupefies the Democratic Party like a slap in the face with an electric eel; it is foreign to them, and leaves them stunned and starry eyed. Herman Cain is indeed a difficult animal for the Democratic Party to catalogue and defend against.

I realize, however, that my glee will most likely be short lived. The Democrats, in a manic frenzy of desperation and hate-filled panic, will soon realize they cannot label Cain as a racist as they are so fond of doing with anyone on the opposite political spectrum. Yes, that gravy train has come to a quicker stop than Anthony Weiner's political career so they will be forced to move quickly and with disregard for any logic. They will be forced to rely on something else, something almost as menacing and diabolical as the race card. Yes, they will have to pull the old "He is a right wing extremist and Islamophobic" card. Yes, when all else fails, disregard the facts and attack the man.

They will paint him as a crazy old geezer who cares for nothing but money and power. They will push him into a corner of jingoism and right wing craziness. They will call him a black Nazi and someone who contributed to the death of MLK. They will call him Uncle Tom and say he "isn't black enough." They will dig into his personal life and the lives of anyone that was ever close to him. It will be a bloodbath. As it goes with all strong opponents to the Democratic Party, Cain too will be torn to pieces. The Obama administration will do all it can to leave him behind in the trash can of history whether it is a justified trashing or one done just as a means to their ends. Good luck, Mr. Cain. I'll be cheering for you.

Jeff J. Langford is a resident of Coeur d'Alene.