Rumors are flying

Novelist Joseph Heller invented a rumor in his masterpiece, "Catch-22," an existential romp through the European theater of World War II. Heller's anti-hero, Yossarian, tells a friend a Venti-sized tall tale about the LePage Glue Gun, a new German anti-aircraft weapon, which glues planes together in formation. This hilarious rumor reappears during a pre-flight briefing at which Yossarian leaps to his feet, says, "Oh my God, it's true" and faints.

I doubt people actually believe rumors they have started but I know some pretty delusional people. While teaching for Lewis-Clark State College I read a fascinating research study concluding most rumors are true. Doubting that, I consulted Dr. Rita Rice Morris, then LCSC Provost, an expert on rumors. Yup, the accuracy of most rumors has been verified repeatedly, she told me. Rita is now president of Shawnee State University where she is bringing "vision and leadership to SSU," according to the University website. That is not surprising; she did the same in Idaho.

I wonder what Rita would say now that the Internet has monopolized rumor mongering and starting a rumor has become a slam dunk. Put some idiotic notion out there and a hundred websites will pick it up by nightfall. Hey, did you hear that Sandi Bloem, mayor of Coeur d'Alene and owner of Johannes & Co. Jewelers, is selling blood diamonds from Angola? It's not true but I'll bet I can get the rumor started, especially among people who don't like her. My apologies, Madame Mayor.

I love rumors, partly because I am trained to recognize them. On Thanksgiving I received one so good it's rated ahead of Boise State University in the BCS standings. It made a target out of Target.

Someone named Dick Forrey of Veterans Helping Veterans, claimed Target had refused to donate to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall. Forrey added Target is a French-owned company, which I guess is supposed to be bad, and that Target had previously rebuffed veterans, too. Additionally, Target had refused Toys for Tots a place in their stores, thus dissing the Marine Corps. Anyone can see the connection - French, anti-veteran, anti-Marine, anti kid. Next they will be kicking Bullseye, that corporate dog of theirs with the red circle around his left eye. Forrey's message spread on the Internet like a wildfire in Arizona. He called for a boycott.

Unfortunately, this rumor is as phony as the ones about the LePage Glue Gun and the blood diamonds but Target has had a dickens of a time trying to correct it - they are not French-owned, they do support veterans' causes, they do support Toys for Tots and Marines, and they do not mistreat Bullseye. Ah, but the real punchline is yet to come.

A few months ago, MoveOn.Org, a very liberal organization, complained Target had given $150,000 to a very conservative and anti-gay rights gubernatorial candidate in Minnesota; several groups called for a boycott. Target apologized.

So, we had the left boycotting Target for being too conservative and the right boycotting Target for being too liberal. A campaign like this could only have been invented by Yossarian or the cartoonist who does Spy versus Spy. I am betting Target management is tearing its hair out; I hope their employee discount plan covers Rogaine.

Target CEO Gregg Steinhafel might consider stepping down to become the public information officer of MoveOn.Org or Veterans Helping Veterans. Forrey, who started the dispute, later apologized and wishes the controversy would go away. Welcome to the world of rumors. I hear Fairchild is depending for defense on the LePage Glue Gun.

Tim Hunt, the son of a linotype operator, is a retired college professor and nonprofit administrator who lives in Hayden with his wife and three cats. He can be reached at [email protected].