Kids and education

"Wake up sleepy-head," I chuckle nudging the shoulder of the sleeping 6-year-old resting on the nurse's couch, "Your mom is here." I collect the backpack; sweater and school supplies sent to the office by the first-grader's frustrated teacher and walk the tired little girl to her waiting mom. "What time did she get to bed last night," I ask. Surprised at the 11 p.m. response I invite the parent into my office. Avoiding an unwanted lecture, I ask the mom if I can help? Acknowledging the need for control of her out of control life, the mom and I sit down and create the following list we title, "Things I need to do to help my child be successful in school."

• Get sleep. According to the National Sleep Foundation, preschoolers (3 to 5 years old) need 11-13 hours of sleep, while school-aged children up to age 12 need approximately 10-11 hours of sleep. Lack of sleep is linked with: increased risk of motor vehicle accidents (not a problem for a first-grader but a major problem for a 16-year-old, inexperienced driver); increase in body mass index - a greater likelihood of obesity due to an increased appetite caused by sleep deprivation; increased risk of diabetes and heart problems; increased risk for psychiatric conditions including depression and substance abuse; and the decreased ability to pay attention, react to signals or remember new information.

• If your child has a television in their bedroom, remove it. I'll regularly ask a parent who allows a child to have a TV in their bedroom the time their child goes to bed, then I ask the child separately what time they go to sleep. Although the child is going to bed at 9 or 10 p.m., they almost exclusively report going to sleep after midnight. Having a gaming system connected to the television delays the child's sleep to early morning hours. In therapy, one of the first questions I ask is about the child's sleep patterns. If I can help the child reset their sleeping regiment, many of the major behavioral, educational or psychological issues the child seeks therapy for decrease or disappear.

• Be present for your child. I remember my young daughter tugging on my shirt repeating, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy," while I was talking on the phone with my parents. Annoyed by the sixth, "daddy," I curtly look down and bark, "What Heather?" She looks up at me, begins to tear up and whispers, "I love you daddy." My daughter is demanding my attention but I was not listening, I'm not present. Working, single parenthood, daily frustration, technology and our drive for success often gets in the way of nurturing our children. Being present requires work - fun, exciting, rewarding work. Offer your children time with you everyday. Children succeed when given time to play, talk, walk, cook, explore and celebrate family time with their parent. The amount of time is not as important as the substance. Turn off the technology and turn on the human emotion.

• Create an enriched environment for your child to explore and learn. Teach your child about frogs, bugs and plants, play in the rain and snow, dig in the dirt with your children; visit the forest, the ocean, the desert, museums, parks and the library. Offering an enriched environment opens the creative mind of a child and broadens their perspective, making them a more inquisitive learner and eager student. Offering an impoverished environment consisting only of cartoons, junk food and physical stagnation creates an apathetic, unmotivated learner. That being said, watching a few cartoons after school while eating a healthy snack covered in a warm blanket is a good way to rest the mind after a busy day of learning - everything in moderation.

• The anti-drug - involving your child in afterschool activities. Sports, dance, Boy or Girl Scouts, 4-H, karate, chess club and music lessons are positive means of enriching a child's life while offering discipline, teamwork, stick-to-itiveness and responsibility. Keeping a child busy with purposeful work and play removes many options for destructive behavior. As the saying goes, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."

• Teach your child to be organized. A hectic, chaotic morning routine can have negative effects on a child's entire school day. Plan the morning the night before. Have your child place all homework in their backpack during the bedtime routine and ensure it's complete. Have your child place the backpack by the door for a hectic-free exit in the morning.

• Ask about your child's homework. This can be difficult for many parents. A child wishing to play with friends, play video games, an academically struggling child or an unmotivated child might do most anything to get out of doing their homework. Lying, pretending to be sick, crying, destructive behavior or fighting with siblings are skills learned to avoid completing home assignments. Regular communication with a child's teacher will alleviate a child lying about their work.

As for the other learned avoidance skills, setting a consistent time for homework each night and sticking to that time will create a schedule for the child to keep. People generally are less stressed if they know their expectations. Having a set time and place to do homework every night sets the expectation of homework for your family - that it is important and must be done at a certain time.

Avoid negotiating with a child. When a child negotiates five more minutes to finish a video game or 10 more minutes to play before doing their homework, they are learning and teaching you that they do not have to follow the rules of your home. A child who often wins negotiations with their parents begins to run their parent's home. This child will continue to stretch their boundaries until they break, which leads to an out of control home being ran by the children and not the parents. Being consistent and setting fair expectations teaches a child to understand their role in the home, which decreases the anxiety surrounding nightly homework.

Building a child's educational foundation begins early and lasts a lifetime. This foundation must be built on solid ground. The solid ground is a family, which has rules that a child understands, parents who are consistent in enforcing these rules and family members who celebrate each other.

Bill Rutherford is a psychotherapist, public speaker, elementary school counselor, adjunct college psychology instructor and executive chef, and owner of Rutherford Education Group. Please e-mail him at bprutherford@hotmail.com and check out www.foodforthoughtcda.com.