Not buying romantic comedies

One thing my boyfriend and I agree on is I'm no good at watching romantic comedies.

Romantic dramas, I like: Couples lying, cheating, manipulating and double-crossing until everything is inevitably exposed and collapsing underneath them.

See, I like the dramas because those scenarios I can buy. Couples do cheat, and lie, and, though thankfully not too often, slice and dice each other.

Romantic comedies, however, are just so full of baloney I can't take it.

Take the film, "The Proposal," which my bf and I compromised on in the video store a couple months ago.

We heard it had enjoyed long success at the box office - yet while watching it, I wondered why. It followed the same formula I've seen in movies a hundred times: Unorthodoxly attractive man and woman who hate each other for no clear reason find themselves trapped in a zany scenario, and with dizzying speed suddenly fall in love.

That last part, as always, happened in a scene when the couple was forced to kiss. Their lips met awkwardly, the soundtrack swelled, they stared into each others' eyes, and boom. True love.

While watching, my boyfriend said, "Aw." I, however, said, "Hormones! Give me a break."

People don't fall in love in one kiss. They certainly don't fall in love in one weekend, like in this movie.

In real life, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds' characters would eventually discover they weren't quite as in love as they thought, once they got into week three and they saw each other in their underwear on a lazy Sunday or argued about bills or got hammered and made some gaffes at an office party.

This leads me to another romantic flick that irked me, "The Ugly Truth."

At first I was encouraged by Gerard Butler's tirades about the shams of romance. I heartily agreed with his contention that there are no good relationships, that every couple struggles with one or the both members being narcissistic or obsessive or manipulative or distant (if you're relationship is issue-free, please write to the paper. We'll put you on the front page. ...Actually, no promises on that last part).

But then the movie washed out all those fresh moments of honesty by "proving" Butler's cynicism wrong with a fairy tale ending where, again, the hot enemies ended up exchanging vows of love.

Please. Even Katherine Heigl's character pointed out mid-film that no one would ever love someone like her, controlling and domineering and a perfectionist to an obsessive degree.

It's true. A woman like that has emotional issues and should see a therapist. Hollywood shouldn't be encouraging people to think that behavior is adorable and will attract partners who look like Gerard Butler.

Am I out of line, here?

One acceptable romantic comedy my coworker Bill Buley bought up is "Four Weddings and a Funeral." I think that earns the status as a fine film because of its generally realistic nature.

For instance, many people know the pressures of coming to adulthood and being expected to marry. And it's only too easy to misspeak at a formal event like a wedding.

Not so many of us duke it out with giant eagles that are stealing cell phones (The Proposal), or have issues with vibrating underwear during corporate dinners (The Ugly Truth).

Why is Hollywood convinced that something has to be outrageous to be funny?

Another coworker defended that these movies are just "candy for the brain," but I think they can also be misleading and raise unfair hopes of what romance is like.

For younger generations reading this, I'll break it to you now: Relationships aren't as easy as the silver screen makes them appear, and love found quickly might not last long.

And now that I've depressed everyone thoroughly, you'll probably want to lighten the mood by watching something funny. Happy. With a perfect ending.

Fine. But if you want to take in a flick with plenty of despair and misery, I'll be waiting with "Brokeback Mountain."

Alecia Warren is a staff writer for The Press. She can be reached at 664-8176 Ext. 2011.