Prejudging hinders happiness

We all do it. The only differences among us are to what degree and how aware we are of our prejudgments.

A "My Turn" writer pointed out that while people tend to perceive the word "prejudice" as limited to race or ethnicity, its roots of "pre-" and "judge" show a much broader meaning. It's true that we all pre-judge. Things as simple as gender, age, clothing, or a look from which we assume intent - all before we hear words or see actions to prove it either way - represent prejudgments.

We predict behavior, choices yet unmade, even entire belief and ethics systems based upon artificial associations. Skimpy clothing means loose morals. Republican bumper sticker means religious zealot. Arab means Jew-hater. California plates mean (insert insult here). Democrat yard sign means abortionist. Mohawk means drug-user.

None of these is necessarily true. Man is complex. Each individual must stand or fall on his own merits. Maybe the short shorts-wearer with cleavage is just very hot and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. I know atheists from both major political parties; same goes for the abortion issue. There are Jews with Arab lineage and Arabic people with Jewish family members and friends. Don't get me started on labeling all citizens of an entire state or country. And hair style means nothing.

Sometimes our prejudgments are much simpler. What we interpret on subjects yet to be addressed in a different look, word, or lack of a word. Too often we act upon those assumptions without first learning the truth of them. Sometimes those actions hurt others and self to a tragic degree.

We will never fully eliminate these human tendencies. Only by developing an intent to become fully conscious of our prejudgments, then remaining thus conscious each time we see or interact with others, is it possible to reduce prejudice. To succeed this awareness must be a daily, even hourly, choice. Over time the choice will become more of a habit, and while the awareness must remain, it will take less effort to engage it.

Years after making my own choice, I find myself making prejudgments. I am ashamed of them. Still, even these disappointments serve as motivation to improve. I do not assume that each who now read these words needs this reminder. Nor do I assume it isn't useful.

One of Steven Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" is seek first to understand, then to be understood. To that, the mind must remain open and unfettered by prejudgments. Understanding others, true compassion and its effect of eliminating prejudice, not only benefits others. It provides facts. With more and accurate facts, we make better decisions. With better decisions, we lead more beneficial lives.

In other words, letting go of prejudice provides happiness.

Sholeh Patrick, J.D. is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. E-mail [email protected]