Great expectations

I hit a major milestone the other night; I went to my 10-year high school reunion. High school was a great time for me. I loved who I was, the people I was with and the things I got to do. The memories are great, but that experience comes with the baggage of expectation. Expectations are far too often the molds in which we try to shove life. In order to make life fit the molds we fashion, we cut out the truly beautiful, unique and sovereign experiences that give life its meaning. In order not to ruin the adventure that comes with the spontaneity that life hands me, and to not set myself up for certain disappointment, I make a conscious effort not to bring expectations to my life experiences.

However, I had thought often about where I would be in 10 years after I graduated from high school, and thus had built up some expectations. When you are in high school, 10 years seems like a long, long time. Now, 10 years after graduating, it doesn't seem so long. I had always wondered whether I would be married, have kids or be settled into a long career. I wondered what my house would look like, and what clothes I would have. With that pondering came certain ideas about the impression that I would make upon my fellow classmates.

Those expectations were shattered with the first question: "Where are you living now?" asked a classmate.

"I just moved in with my parents while I finish up school," I quickly responded. That is the truth, but it didn't come across quite like I meant it. If I had taken a moment and chosen my words a bit more carefully, I would probably have changed the phrasing. It was clear from the look in my former classmate's eye that he believed I was struggling through with my undergraduate degree and was not capable of living on my own. For a brief moment, I thought about correcting him, but the conversation - and his interest - moved on.

This was not a universal experience. There were several others who were sheltered with family through life transitions, or who were sheltering family through life transitions. Living with family can be tough, especially after being out on my own for quite a while. But I am lucky to have a family I love, and that loves me. It makes the temporary arrangement very enjoyable. And my ego takes comfort in the fact that many people take the same opportunity to stop a hemorrhage of cash in tough times. Someday I may even look back and yearn for this brief reprieve in responsibility. Maybe.

The rest of the evening was much more relaxing, my having dashed my initial expectations. I met new babies, reminisced with friends, and marveled at how accurately Facebook keeps me updated on so many people's lives.

Ultimately, my milestone turned out to be just like any other milestone... a moment that passes by like any other moment if you don't make a big deal out of it. I chose not to make a big deal out of it. I feel the same now as I did just before, just with a little less expectation on my shoulders. And in the void where that expectation once sat, sits a little better understanding that what others think of us doesn't... and shouldn't... have any bearing on how happy we truly are. My plans, no matter how intricate, are never as grand nor as satisfying as the ones that God has in store for me.

Luke Malek is a home-grown Kootenai County boy currently in a voluntary exile in pursuit of a law degree that he hopes will empower him to battle objectionable compliance with the status quo.