The Front Row with MARK NELKE July 4, 2010

The rumors may have indeed been true.

LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers, Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat and Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors did indeed hold their “summit” meeting last weekend, according to sources with tremendous imagination.

The three NBA free agents were allegedly spotted gathered around the fireplace at The Coeur d’Alene Resort last Sunday. Why the sight of them didn’t create a huge stir is not known, but it may have had something to do with that Ironman event also going on that day.

In any event, a transcript of the players’ meeting has surfaced here at The Press. The gathering went something like this:

LeBron: Who are all these people milling around with numbers on their arms and legs?

Wade: I dunno. Something about swimming and biking, and then running a marathon. All in one day.

Bosh: Crazy. So what are we going to do — try to play together on the same team?

Wade: Why don’t you guys come down and join me in Miami?

Bosh: That’d be great. Anything would be better than being stuck in Toronto.

LeBron: Naw, that wouldn’t work. After the three of us got paid, there wouldn’t be any money left for anybody else. They’d have to hire nine minimum-wage guys.

Wade: How ’bout Chicago? That’s where I’m from.

LeBron: That’d be cool. But what would we do with Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah? They’re going to want to get paid, too. All three of us couldn’t go there.

Bosh: How ’bout New York? The Knicks need lots of help.

LeBron: You think they’d change their name to LeKnicks for me?

(At this point, Wade’s phone rings. It’s Charles Barkley. As you may have heard, they share a phone plan.)

Wade: Wassup, Charles?

Charles: D-Wade, I need some advice. I’m thinking of becoming a GM, maybe for the Suns. What do you think?

Wade: Ever heard of Matt Millen? He was a great analyst, but remember how he turned out as GM of the Lions?

Charles: Yeah, but he was an average player. I was a superstar.

Wade: How’s Michael Jordan doing so far at the management level?

Charles: Good point. Maybe I’ll just stay at TNT and keep making fun of Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson. What are you up to?

Wade: Just hanging with my boys, LeBron and Chris Bosh.

Charles: Chris who?

Wade: Bosh.

Charles: Posh? What are you doing messing with one of the Spice Girls?

Wade: Bosh. He’s a big guy from Toronto. The three of us are thinking of playing together on the same team next year, trying to win an NBA title together. You know, like Garnett, Pierce and Ray Allen did in Boston a couple of years ago.

Charles: Or like Kobe, Shaq, Karl Malone and Gary Payton tried to do in LA a few years ago.

Wade: Yeah, that didn’t go so well, did it? What do you think we should do?

Charles: If y’all go to Chicago, LeBron will always be compared to Michael, and if he doesn’t win six NBA titles like MJ did, he’s going to hear about it all the time. And he won’t get a statue outside the building like Michael did.

Wade: So what do we do?

Charles: Tell LeBron to stay in Cleveland, get rid of some of them stiffs he has for teammates, and get some more guys that can play. D-Wade, you stay in Miami. Tell Posh Spice, or whoever the other dude there is, to choose between you and LeBron, and try to help one of you win a title.

Wade: I’ll tell ‘em.

Charles: Where are you guys, anyway?

Wade: Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.

Charles: Idaho? Oh yeah, that’s where that course with the floating green is.

Wade: You played it? The locals must have enjoyed that goofy swing of yours. How did you do on the floating green hole?

Charles: I almost hit it. By the time I finished my downswing, what that awful hitch in it and everything, the damn green had moved. I almost hit the lady that drives the boat out to the green, though.

(As Charles and D-Wade say their goodbyes, the three NBA free agents are finishing up their massive desserts. People continue to wander around The Resort, not noticing them.)

LeBron: Hmm, this Ironman thing looks interesting. Maybe I should give it a try next year.

Wade: If you didn’t drown in the lake, you could probably be an Ironman. Only thing is, you’d have to take a pay cut.

LeBron: Hey Bosh, what are you doing over there?

Bosh: Twittering. Gotta keep my fans informed.

Wade: Dude, you’re going to blow our cover.

Bosh: Hey, we’re getting off the subject here. You guys have got to help me get out of Toronto. I want to win one of those titles like you’ve got, D-Wade. You should want one too, LeBron — you don’t have any. MJ has six, and Kobe has five.

LeBron: What’s the big deal about titles? What’s so bad about 20 mil a year with summers off?

Wade: Yeah, I think Chuck’s right. I think me and LeBron are staying put. Chris, good luck finding a good team that also wants to pay you.

LeBron: So if this free agency thing with us playing together doesn’t work out, you guys wanna meet back here next year and play in Hoopfest?

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via e-mail at [email protected].