Romancing the cyberspace

"Well, I went home with the waitress

The way I always do

How was I to know

She was with the Russians, too?"

When Warren Zevon wrote those lyrics, you couldn't hit the keyboard to look for romance.

Released in 1978, the song "Lawyers, Guns and Money" lampooned '70s dating practices and highlighted the potential for disastrous consequences: "Send lawyers, guns and money. Dad, get me out of this."

In his weird-funny-profound way, Zevon drove home the perils of being careless while seeking a life partner.

The predominant singles scene has since moved out of the bars and clubs and into cyberspace.

A poll recently released by BBC World Services found that 20 percent of U.S. Internet-users are going online to find long-lasting love.

One of the heavy-hitters in virtual match-making, eHarmony, claims an average of 236 members who marry every day in the U.S. as a result of being matched on the site.

Most people have seen the iconic television ads touting the commercial yenta's success based on "29 dimensions of compatibility."

Have you ever looked at your spouse, the one you met in real-time, far away from a computer, and wondered whether you're hitting all the points?

"We might be doomed, you know," I tell my guy. "What if we're missing some dimensions?"

We always chuckle because we're very happy in a very uncomplicated way.

That's not to say online relationship services aren't worthwhile. I know a few married couples who have gone this route.

Where else was our friend going to find a woman who gets just as jazzed as he does about civil engineering, a lady who also thinks that the most romantic thing is spending an hour together in the garage after the kid's asleep, working side-by-side on their old cars?

They jokingly call it a mixed marriage - one goes for Fords and the other Chevys.

They've been together for a few years now, and the relationship has all the signs of a match made in heaven.

There are still potential pitfalls wherever you choose to throw the relationship dice.

Some of the hot topics on eHarmony's frequently updated list of online forum discussions are, "Lying about age, do you confront?" and "Where to report a married match?"

I guess there are some things that scientific matching can't overcome.

With the rise of Google-driven dating, there has also been an increase in people being dumped digitally.

A British dating service recently reported that 34 percent of 2,000 people surveyed admitted to ending a relationship by e-mail, 13 percent changed their Facebook relationship status to single (without telling their partners) and 6 percent released the news on Twitter.

The company's marketing manager believes digital dumping will become the top break-up method.

I'm fairly certain I will forever be a fan of face-to-face commingling and untangling.

There are some things you just can't learn without going through everyday situations with someone.

Years ago, my guy and I had just begun dating when something happened that sealed the deal for me.

It's something I don't think I could have learned, no matter how much online "expert guidance" I might get from a relationship counselor.

We were living in Florida and a man's car broke down in front of my guy's house.

I became highly suspicious of the stranded stranger for a variety of reasons. I was sure he was up to no good. There was something odd about him. He had very white legs for someone who claimed to live in the Sunshine State.

Oh, and he happened to ask, "Do you know where I can find a wife?"

While my guy spent almost two hours helping the man, I was inside trying to see if he was on the "America's Most Wanted" Web site.

After the car finally started, I said to my guy, "I was so worried about you. Why did you stay out there like that?"

He looked at me, kind of shook his head, and said, "Even wackos need help sometimes."

Right then I knew, I need this man. He's the yin to my yang.

That's the kind of revelation you can only discover by being present in a real-life moment with someone. It's a lesson it would be hard to learn in cyberspace.

Maureen Dolan is a staff writer for The Press. She can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2005 or via e-mail at mdolan@cdapress.com.