UNINVITED: Sound advice requested

Why does the death of a loved one always bring out the worst judgment in people? Within one hour of my Dad passing away in his home, the family was waiting for the ambulance to come to take him away for the last time, when a non-member of the family, who also has a major conflict with members of the family, walked in to make everyone aware that she was going to be a part of this intimate sad event.

She is not a close friend of the family and was not a past girlfriend of my dad, only a younger woman who needed a place to stay at one time until she found another home. We ultimately offered this stranger a room to help my dad, who was dying from emphysema. It didn't work out. Within five months she went somewhere else.

She remained in contact only with my dad off and on. The family only knew her for two years. Question of the day: Knowing that the timing of this woman coming in to my Dad's home where the immediate family is just starting to realize what has happened, certain family members became visually upset when this woman walked in on this family moment. Her presence would have been welcomed at the funeral. Why would a person want to be where she knows her presence would cause conflict? Should there have been an intervention by family to ask the woman to leave? What is proper etiquette?

JULIE YOUNG

Coeur d'Alene