Shed that holiday stress

Some holiday planners and preppers seem to thrive on the mania. They love the shopping, decorating, planning, and days (weeks, with parties) of cooking. They’re not fretting about how to stretch a shrinking budget among 17 kids and grandkids at today’s prices, which gift choice will elicit that smile, how to get it in all on the table on time (let alone fit everyone in the room), and how to avoid ruining the chocolate pie recipe everyone wants to be perfect.

Nope, not stressing at all.

Did the cards get out on time? Did I miss anyone who’ll be hurt, or who’s sending us one? If I hear “Jingle Bells” one more time today, my head will explode.

Real life isn’t Hallmark. If you’re a pleaser and an introvert, and especially if you don’t have help, the holidays are the most stressful time of year. I tend to cry a lot.

Then there’s loss. Two more friends became widows this month. Another relative died this week. For those who’ve lost children, grief is always fresh.

Others, genuinely good people, have literally no one in their lives. They will spend Christmas Day, Hanukkah, every holiday entirely alone. (Inviting one to join you can be a mutually rewarding experience, true to the reasons for the season.)

Don’t worry; this column is constructive.

We have built up the holidays into a pile of emotional expectations. The bad news is that’s what makes them hard to get through. The good news is we have the power to ease it, for self and others. Try these tips:

1) Remember it’s not pure joy for everyone. Ease the pressure on those who grieve, experience anxiety, or feel stress simply by verbally acknowledging. Maybe add a hug.

2) Lend a hand, or ask for one. So one person needn’t bear an unequal share of the whole list, the last minute purchases, the cooking and next year, the planning and decision-making.

3) Take a breather, literally and metaphorically. Physical effects of stress on the body exacerbate it, increasing stressful feelings in a vicious circle. Simply putting it all on pause to breathe deeply, then do something relaxing for an hour or even a few minutes — completely unrelated to the holidays — helps. Ideally, this is alone time when body and mind can just decompress with no input.

4) Keep exercise and self-care routines, even if it makes the day a little longer. When we skip these, we feel overlooked and less valuable, to ourselves and indirectly, to others. Days feel out of control, which piles on more stress. Those routines help pace us and keep us feeling sane.

5) Spend time with someone you care about, and relish it. This is what all the fuss is about anyway, isn’t it? Love, pure and simple.

6) Practice inner gratitude. Gratitude exercises are amazingly simple and effective. Just list them: A roof over your head. Someone who loves you. Food on the table. The ability to read and the money to buy this paper or the library which provides it free. Too many people in the world, in each community, lack these. Dozens of studies have shown marked improvement in mood, mental health, and physical condition simply by reminding ourselves of the good in our lives a few moments each day.

So on that note, thank you for reading. Thank you for the good you do and the love you give. May your heart be light.

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Sholeh Patrick is an introverted columnist for the Hagadone News Network who channels Luther Krank. Too. Much. Stuff. Email sholeh@cdapress.com.