DUELISTS: Try this, Congress

The recent Readers Write offering by Dan Oleynik entitled “WRITERS: Duelists are missed” got me to thinking of a unique way to settle bitter arguments between congressmen. If an argument seemed severely bitter and unending, the Speaker of the House or President Pro-Tem of the Senate could demand the participants settle the matter with a duel. A refusal would result in loss of use of the congressional cafeteria.

The duel would be strictly controlled in the following way: 18th century flintlocks at 100 yards, .36 caliber balls propelled by a half load of powder and Kevlar helmets with face mask and body armor to be worn. If miraculously a ball should find its mark, the non-injured shooter would cover the cost of any injury. ESPN would be called upon to broadcast the event. Pay-per-view would not be allowed. Offshore betting would be punished by jail time. The winner could not refer to the event in a re-election campaign speech. The loser could say whatever they wanted.

This change would insert both humor and charm into arguments that are seen by the citizenry as dull and usually stupid. For those wanting term limits for congressmen, this could be a mechanism to start the process. Maybe this could be an incentive to end many of these ego driven debates in order to avoid the humiliation of a duel.

Then the combatants could shake hands and go have lunch together at the congressional cafeteria.

DICK SHELDON

Coeur d’Alene