You're gonna miss them when they're gone

Innocent insects inspiring nothing but human ire.

Poor aphids.

The hordes of bitty bugs that descend on our region every autumn can be annoying, true. And if you peer at one through a microscope or your web browser, it can be a bit unsettling to see the long proboscis protruding from their buggy noggins, preparing to suck the lifeblood out of plants.

But the message here today is one of hope and goodwill. It’s an attempt to put your perspective in forward, rather than reverse. You live in North Idaho! When you’re embraced by warm, sunny days and surrounded by arboreal splendor that rivals the best fireworks on the Fourth, why, you’ve got it good. You’d better be able to see the bright side of aphid infestation.

Here’s a little help. We call it The Optimist’s Brief Guide to the Practical and Aesthetic Benefits of these Beguiling Bugs:

- Aphids promote strenuous aerobic exercise in brief bursts. Watch people walking through a cloud of them and you’ll see arms flailing, legs kicking and hips swinging. Jumping Jacks are a thing of the past.

- At no charge, an aphid assault will test your eyelid and gag reflexes.

- Hungry teens walking along the lake while talking to friends on their smartphones won’t be hungry for long. And the food is free!

- Aphid swarms have been known to deflect bullets from drug gangs and would-be assassins. Political scientists theorize they might be able to absorb the impact of ICBMs out of Pyongyang, saving untold millions of North Idahoans.

- Downtown retailers and street cops love aphids because they discourage loitering.

- Aphids provide free outdoors entertainment as an art form of perpetual motion.

- Aphid swarms are so thick, bald pates beneath them are sunburn-proof.

Now, isn’t your aphid attitude a tiny bit better?

Enjoy this fabulous fall, bug blitz and all.