Listen up, and listen with love

The message from a mother whose students knew and loved Troy Schueller could have been written by many others.

“Truly a ‘How The [Heck] Do I Handle This’ type parenting moment that’s going to linger for a while,” she wrote in the aftermath of the popular Coeur d’Alene High School principal taking his life Wednesday.

The school district made counselors available Thursday despite the fact that school was canceled. It’s not clear how many students took advantage of that opportunity; The Press stayed away, allowing students and staff to grieve privately.

But the mother raises an important issue. Particularly in light of school shootings, many students are feeling disoriented, if not distressed. And now this; a beloved mentor doing what had been unthinkable.

So, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends: What do you do when the impact of suicide knocks down someone close to you?

This is one of those times when compassion goes a long, long way. (Actually, compassion always goes a long, long way.)

While there are many sources for advice in these difficult circumstances, an Australian website — beyondblue.org.au — offers some of the best.

“Bereaved people need compassion, empathy, recognition of what has happened, validation of how they are feeling and reassurance that their feelings are common, given the tragic circumstances,” the site says. It continues by saying the bereaved need:

- to be really listened to, heard and understood

- to receive non-judgmental support

- an opportunity to tell their story over and over again

- a safe and supportive environment

- to be able to express their grief in their own way

- to have no time limits imposed

At times like this, consoling words might be hard to find. That’s OK. Hugs and held hands can fill the verbal void beautifully.