Magic around every corner at North Pole

For fans of cold weather and holiday cheer, Christmastime can be every time for residents at the North Pole.

No longer just a hangout for elves and caribou, the North Pole now offers a variety of living quarters to fit all budgets. For singles hoping to party on Nog Avenue, the Polar Estate apartments are just a five-minute sleigh ride away. For retirees, there are two in-development gated communities featuring rancher-style igloos.

The first castle on the left, well, the only castle on the left, is still occupied by the Claus family.

What was once the most barren, unlivable place in the world is now a haven for low-risk home development. Buddy T. Elf, a Realtor with Century 21, said credit should be given to the Big Man for seeing a new opportunity to boost the Pole’s stagnant economy.

“Kris (Kringle) saw something special,” Elf said. “After hiding from the world for hundreds of years, he has decided to share his little bit of paradise with the rest of humanity.”

For those looking for steady employment, the Toy Factory has diverse, full-time positions available throughout the year. Seasonal work is lucrative too, with two-month toy-making positions earning double time and close-to-full-year benefits.

Elf said the increasing popularity of the “Elf on the Shelf” tradition has necessitated the need for outside assistance.

“The ‘Elf on the Shelf’ elves aren’t just working between Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Elf said. “They have to watch those kids all the time, and because they aren’t supposed to be seen for 11 months out of the year, they’ve got to be sneaky about it. It’s sucking up our resources, frankly. We need more bodies, especially on the XBox line.”

The holiday season, of course, is a ridiculously busy time for residents at the North Pole. In addition to toy-making and list checking, Mr. and Mrs. Claus welcome visitors from Coeur d’Alene via the Journey to the North Pole Cruises. Santa greets children aboard each cruise every night, and even checks The List to see which passengers made the cut.

Mrs. Claus, COO of Claus Industries, said Santa has a soft spot for the annual tradition, even if it can take away from his hectic schedule in December.

“He reads all the kids’ names, even the naughty ones,” Mrs. Claus said. “He’s just a nice guy, you know? He doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. But bad kids should remember, you still might get coal on Christmas. It’s just part of the deal.”

While Santa talks to the kids (and makes “hilarious” jokes about “Frozen”), parents can speak to an Elfan housing representative about home investment and residential opportunities at the Pole.

If everything seems so welcoming now, it hasn’t been without effort. Mrs. Claus said the new housing developments in the area were worrisome to some existing residents when construction first began.

“The elves were like, ‘Not in my town!” Mrs. Claus said. “But so far the new residents have been delightful, and the elves have really come around. They’re even telling newbies about the secret entrances to Candy Cane Forest and Gumdrop Mountain.”

Vacation rental properties are popping up too, as the North Pole has a wide variety of activities for residents and tourists alike. Skiing, sledding, and elf-led snowball fights are always options, and VIP tours of Santa’s Castle and Toy Factory are available during the off-season. You can also get an up-close-and-personal look at the world’s tallest floating Christmas tree, as well as all the lighting displays seen from the Coeur d’Alene Holiday Cruise.

For a bit of adventure, you can also try the Reindeer Training Center, where tourists fly with students during their ritual Reindeer Games. The waivers are a little intimidating, but organizers insist severe injury is rare.

And for the retirees, the gated igloo communities have pinochle, cribbage and all that other regular stuff. It’s warm inside those little ice houses. Really.

“People just assume it’s too cold to live at the North Pole, and to a certain extent they’re right,” Elf said. “But we’ve made a great effort to bring the South up to the North Pole. I just mean more south, not, like, the South Pole. Because it’s cold there too.”

“We have excellent heaters is what I’m saying,” Elf continued.

Developers of the new communities are keeping Green in mind too. Elf said the entire North Pole community is committed to staying carbon neutral.

“We care about the environment, and we really don’t want our home values to drop because of excessive melting,” Elf said.

For more information about property at the North Pole, call Buddy T. Elf at (555) UHO-HOHO.

For more information on the Journey to the North Pole Cruises from Coeur d’Alene, visit www.CDAResort.com or call (855) 923-8217. Cruises run nightly through Jan. 3.