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| Tyler Wilson |
Too scared to live
Halloween is the season for ghouls, goblins and all the things that creep us out. It's a time to embrace our fears, eat too much candy, and, if you're a young woman, dress like you work at a strip club.
So in the spirit of the season, I will share with you some of the things that creep the life out of me. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, but I'll spare you all of the diseases I think I have at the moment. The doctor says I shouldn't dwell on such things, anyway.
On with the list! The scariest things in the world, according to yours truly:
Falling
Not to be confused with a fear of heights. When I visited the Stratosphere in Las Vegas, I worried about some huge wind gust pushing me over the rails (which were incredibly tall, but alas). On the other hand, in the indoor (and totally glassed up) level below, I was able to peer down at the Las Vegas strip with ease. I guess I did worry about an earthquake shattering the windows and tossing me to my doom, but again, it was about the falling, not the heights.
Airplanes
Goes along with that falling one. It's just not natural for a giant hunk of metal to be 20,000 feet off the ground. It seriously does not make sense.
Snakes
Especially coming out of the toilet in an airplane lavatory.
Cars
I'm not really a fan of any kind of transportation that makes a human go faster than he can actually run. Again, it's just not natural.
Fans of Paris Hilton
Despite the desperate pleas from millions of Americans, a few people actually bought her music CD. Oh, the horror!
Basements
You know what they call open spaces below the ground in cemeteries? Yeah, graves! As far as I'm concerned, putting a pool table in your basement is just like putting a pool table in your casket. You can't play pool when you're dead, so you might as well stop practicing underground. Plus, my basement is smelly and the pipes make weird sounds.
Terrorists
Darn you George W. Bush and your scare-tactic brainwashing!
Germs
See, now this one is completely irrational. I'm always worried about the cleanliness of other people's stuff, but my own living quarters might be the most disgusting space in North Idaho. I just figure my body is immune to my own filth.
Dancing with the Stars
I fear what I don't understand, and I really don't understand this show.
Jay Leno
A couple people have told me I look like the "Tonight Show" host. I don't see the resemblance, but we do have something in common: We're both not funny.
Success
I probably don't have to worry about this one too much.
Failure
And I've pretty much just embraced this one.
Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
