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| Marty Fortier |
Governor in hairy situation
Budgets not his strength
Like death and taxes, there is one other certainty in life: Not having any money has never stopped a politician from spending it. Unlike us peasants who are forced to live within our means, politicians either generate deficits or simply take more. No big deal, it's just the way it works.
I'm thinkin' that's what happened when our governor bounced two checks to his hairdresser last month. Of course Kempthorne was quick to say, "I probably know more about the state budget than I do my own personal budget." Poppycock! I have a different perspective. My theory is that our illustrious leaders, whether in Boise or Washington, become so indoctrinated into the ways of government, it dominates their personal lives as well. I call this phenomenon politosis.
Therefore, when Dirk got his last dye-job (a regular haircut doesn't cost that much), he just whipped out the old unbalanced checkbook. It's not his fault the check was bad and that his stylist, Chic Rementeria, got stiffed for $111. You see, politicians aren't trained to ask if there's enough money in the bank. That's simpleton thinking relegated to us working stiffs who risk having our bad checks plastered on the back of the 7-11 cash register.
Can you imaging going into Chic's Place and seeing, not one but two of, the governor's bad checks taped to the counter next to the Paul Mitchell conditioner. Now to be fair, the gov only gets a $98,500 salary and a $54,000 annual housing allowance. So after the monthly pedicures and body waxings, haircut money is hard to come by.
Interestingly, this little rubber check incident revealed additional symptoms of politosis. In addition to overspending, rationalization and blame -- also recognized politosis characteristics -- surfaced. You and I? Well, we suffer the scorn of every other patron of Chic's, pay hefty penalties to the Chicster and the bank, and go in search of another "comb-over artist." But not Dirk. Instead he explained away his bad behavior by insisting the oversight occurred because he and his wife, Patricia, are busy and didn't discuss personal money matters. Once again, don't blame the governor. Politosis is a serious condition that affects 99.9 percent of all politicians (Rep. Jim Clark seems to be immune). Then, exhibiting a full-blown case of Politosis (aka Politosis Extremis), he blamed his wife, stating that she does the books.
Since Politosis is a degenerative disease that slowly attacks one's character over time, it's likely that the governor isn't aware that he's been afflicted. With only one high school biology class under my belt, I'll be the first to admit I may not be qualified to diagnose the illness. However, it looks pretty bad for the governor. Let's all keep a sharp eye out for other symptoms of this horrible condition. For instance: always riding in the back seat when there are only two people in the car; the Governor sending out B.Y.O.B. cocktail party invitations; calling family members "staff;" or "fact-finding" missions to Disneyland are all things we should be looking for.
Although Politosis does not seem to be fatal, it can lead to a complete detachment from reality.
Marty Fortier barely escaped a lifetime sentence in the cutthroat world of big city advertising and marketing. He currently operates a business, writes, and referees his children's fights from his home office somewhere in North Idaho. Marty Fortier can be reached at: mbfortier@icehouse.net.
